I have always been a sensitive soul – (I know, many of you would recommend that I don’t share something like that in such a public way) easily hurt, idealistic and passionate about the entire human experience. Longing to feel connected, valued and understood. Often feeling far from all of these.
Feeling ALIVE has really been the only goal I have known. Most of the advice I was given growing up was to “toughen up” “stop worrying about what other people think” and “your skin is too thin, the world will eat you alive.”
At times, I felt like I wasn’t meant for this world. If I was going to succeed, I would need to change who I was – and that seemed like selling out and, well, pretty impossible. So, I have continued to fight the good fight – claiming my space in the world and continuing to do everything I can to be human, in spite of the vulnerability and risk that brings.
Ironically, as I have become more comfortable with my thin skin, and by claiming and accepting my vulnerability, I have become stronger and more confident. I have also learned to use it as my shield against negativity and cynicism, I have discovered along the way, that there are many other people like me, who appreciate humanness. We are a growing army, and I love feeling the energy of all of you who shine your light on me with your kindness, and acceptance, love and appreciation of who I am.
This has been the greatest reward of being myself. To be met with the opportunity to connect and grow with you, my fellow journeyers – and that was why, initially, I embarked on my quest. To find you, and, if you existed, to connect with you in a very real, meaningful way. Because these connections make me feel alive, which is the only thing I have ever truly wanted!
This is exciting! And yet, the most unexpected result of all has been to achieve success. To become a leader of a company, was never something I would have been able to envision. And yet, here I am. And doing a darn good job! 🙂
My journey has been – and continues to be – filled with challenges, which is to be expected. But I’m often struck at moments like this with amazement and awe of the person I have become. And each time I allow myself an indulgent moment to pause and reflect, as I am doing today, sharing this message, I realize that God is here, shining His light and encouraging me to answer His call. He’s been doing this all along. My resistance to the idea that I must change who I was in order to succeed, has been Him. The voice in my head has been Him whispering; encouraging me to be myself and to lead with courage, confidence and openness. To listen and learn. To always love, in spite of the ugliness, and hate that fills the world, He has been nodding and smiling, encouraging me to keep being me. And today, I humbly and happily accept His request.
If there’s anything I can offer to you, the reader, it is this. By shining your light, and sharing your love with the world, you welcome and embrace people like me. Love is magnetic. It pulls out others who love, and gives them permission to be themselves; to give their best; to forgive; to accept; to be human, and to embrace all that it means to be a child of God. So, please be that person. Even when it seems like it’s not “right.” Even when it seems like you should care less. Care more. Because that is what we need today. It’s what we have always needed. We can’t give in. We are ONE.