Welcome to the Light

Every day that I wake up and get out of bed is a victory.

Inexplicable darkness is worse than monsters in the closet… at least when there are monsters in the closet, you can close and barricade the door.

Inexplicable darkness is that shame, guilt, sadness that you can’t explain – and when you try, no one understands.  They try…. but you know they can’t feel your emptiness, and their solutions aren’t going to come close to filling the holes that only you can see.

Inexplicable darkness means you have to pretend or stay home.  If you go out, you can’t talk about the pain and there’s nothing else that exists in your mind other than the pain.  So you stay home.  You self-medicate, you cry, you sleep, you stay away from those who love you because you don’t want to hurt them any more than you already have.  You can see the pain in their eyes and it makes your pain even worse.  They think you are making excuses, they believe you should be able to cope the way they, and everyone else does.  But you can’t.  You Can’t.

You know – you believe – it’s a FACT that you are mad, crazy, dramatic, overwhelming, exhausting, poisonous, draining – useless.

Success is believing in the Process, even when you don’t believe in yourself.

It isn’t perfection. Not even close.

Success is changing the dialogue you have with yourself.  Success is getting up and going at it, whether or not you want to. 

It’s doing it, even if you don’t know why, or if it will work. Success is proving to yourself that you CAN, because you DID.

And, at the end of the day, success is being able to say, “I did it today, so I can do it again tomorrow.” – and then doing it again tomorrow. Until you’ve strung tomorrows together enough times that it’s become a week, then a month and then, it’s when you can’t remember the last time you didn’t.

And you cry, because you realized you don’t have to explain the darkness anymore. 

Because you are surrounded by the light.

2 replies
  1. Elena
    Elena says:

    This is such a “Beacon of Light” that can bring healing and HOPE to so many who may be facing such darkness and despair! Thank you for your openness and honesty in sharing such a painful and personal experience and giving so much of yourself in all you do. You are remarkable!!!!

    Reply
    • Chrissanne
      Chrissanne says:

      Thanks Elena! Your steadfast faith in me made quite an impact on the person I am today. Thanks for being a beacon of light for me as I found my own way to the light!

      Reply

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